Just a Feeling

How does it feel?

Hold your breath for as long as you can. Don’t count. Just hold. Try holding your breath while pressing something heavy against your chest.

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It’s sitting in a park bench. Watching dark ominous clouds coming towards you. But you’re stuck on that bench. You can’t move. You feel the first few drops of rain and rather than feeling free. You shiver and tremble against the cold. You’re back starts to hurt from how much you’re shaking.

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How about being in the vast endless ocean. Your arms are tired, and the shore is nowhere to be seen. You keep swimming and swimming, but it just gets darker and darker. The stars and moon can’t even help because the clouds look like a blanket in the sky.

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Think of a raging fire and a burning building. Everyone is in a panic as they begin to run. You’re frozen against the wall unable to move or think. No one sees you and are only thinking about escaping. They trip over you, bump into you, shove you aside, they only want to get out. Of all the places to freeze.

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Imagine someone thrusting their hand through your chest. They feel for your heart until they have it completely in their grasp. They feel it beating steadily and so they give it a squeeze. They hold it tight and release. Letting you feel that sensation for what seems hours. Squeeze and release. Until your mind goes numb to the passing of time.

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It’s that stupid, dreaded game of dodge-ball. The captains are chosen, and the victims are standing in a line.

Not you.

The one next you.

The person to your left.

The new one on your right.

The one that’s at the opposite end.

That one.

Her.

Him.

Finally, with no one left.

I guess you can join.

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This looks like a good spot. Where’s that bag of bricks I just had. There it is. The last wall wasn’t very high so I think I should make this one even higher. There’s no way anyone can climb this one! A brick here. A brick there. Alrighty! It’s looking pretty good. I’ll leave the window out this time. Maybe just a small little whole in the corner so I can see what’s going on out there. I just have to make sure it’s not noticeable. Yep. That’s a perfect wall. I used some extra good cement for this one too. Can’t have the same mistake from the last one. No one will be able to tear down this mighty fortress!

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Let’s go to the back of the closet. Alright let me see. Nope. Not that one. I just wore that last week. Mmmm, maybe another time. That one is old, so it falls easy. Where is it? I swore I put it here next to… ah, found you. This mask sticks perfect to tears, so it helps keep it sturdy. The one that looks mostly like a real face. No one suspects this one. Definitely one of my favorites. It has the prettiest smile you ever did see.

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There goes that reflection again. Talking as if it doesn’t belong to you. It points its fingers and throws its head back in laughter. That sinister smile and the taunting words. It seems to look like you, but at the same time there’s something different about it. A likeness that holds a few alterations. A bit more menacing. Just a hint of shadow. It’s eyes are darker. There’s red around the pupil. It looks like it hasn’t slept for months yet as strong as thunderstorm. A voice you can only hear inside your head but it sounds like nails against a chalkboard. STOP LOOKING AT ME! DON’T TELL ME THE THINGS I ALREADY FEEL IN THE DARK CORNERS OF MY HEART! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SAY WHAT’S WRITTEN THERE! GET OUT!

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Lonely.

How does it feel for you?