Hello Darkness my old friend

Sometimes, I think Christians don’t like to admit the moments of darkness they go through. As followers of Christ, we are supposed to display joy and hope to the world right? So why do I feel guilty when I'm walking through a valley as if I wasn't ever supposed to experience it? Why do I hide my thoughts when they are dark and full of misery? Why is there shame in my pain?

I have a tendency to fake a smile as soon as someone steps into my view. "How are you doing?" "I'm fine! Doing pretty good, thanks!" Sometimes they believe it. Other times my swollen eyes give it away and they don't buy my 'allergy' excuse. Saying I'm tired doesn't always work. Not all the time at least. Some may actually notice but don't want to deal with what I'm going through so they'll just say ok and move on. See, I'm the bubbly one. I'm the joyful daughter that walks through trials with grace, right? Everyone is supposed to be inspired by how I'm handling this journey. The thing is, the darkness is very much there. Every day. Like an old friend just following me around.

• Psalm 118:5-6 “Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.

• Psalm 30:5b “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

• Psalm 9:9-10 “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble”.

• Psalm 34:17 “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles.”

• Isaiah 43:1-3 “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

• 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

• 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

• 1 Peter 5: 10 “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

• Romans 8:18 "The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming."

• Isaiah 66:9 "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord."

If we never walked through darkness, there would be no need for verses like these or hundreds of others in the Bible. We live in a fallen world. We will experience hardships and dark valleys. Don't ignore your old friend, but don't invite him to stay in the guest room either. God is so much bigger. I'm still learning to depend more and more on Him.